Argue This! #169 Christmas With The Wife

[00:00:01] Speaker A: Alrighty, alrighty, everybody, welcome back to another episode of Argue this. Tron is not here. It was snowing like crazy today, so he wasn't able to make it here. But we do have my wife and sorry, we weren't we didn't record an episode two weeks ago. Just busy, you know. Now it know, Thanksgiving and all that jazz. Okay, Mochi, go ahead, hop up. Then we got my wife, though, the special guest, the fucking whatever. She always says what she likes. [00:00:44] Speaker B: The guest star. [00:00:44] Speaker A: The guest star. And I forget every time. [00:00:47] Speaker B: That's okay. You never saw lost in Space. [00:00:50] Speaker A: Yeah. And then we got Mochi, my favorite cat in the world. So this week with my wife, we have Christmas coming up. We have all kinds of Christmas shit. And this can be kind of shotgun episode, but based on Christmas, all of it. So is there an appropriate time before December to have Christmas music? No. [00:01:28] Speaker B: Okay. The older I get, the more and more I hate Christmas music. I don't know, but the older I've gotten, I'm just like, oh my God, it's so annoying and irritating and so for me, it shouldn't be played before Christmas Day and it should not be played afterwards. [00:01:47] Speaker A: Just only on Christmas Day. Just Mariah Carey fucking suck a dick. You don't get any of your music played. [00:01:55] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:01:57] Speaker A: Okay, I will say this. Some other artist needs to come up and do a fucking Christmas song. We don't need to only hear Mariah Carey over and over and over for the past 20 fucking years. [00:02:09] Speaker B: I mean, it is a bomb song, but still. I don't want to hear it anymore. [00:02:14] Speaker A: It's because she does that bullshit, that fluctuations. [00:02:19] Speaker B: Yeah, no, she had perfect pitch. [00:02:23] Speaker A: Somebody else just do it. AI, fucking go make a new Christmas song so I can listen to some cool shit. Someone make a Christmas rap. [00:02:32] Speaker B: There's plenty of Christmas wraps. [00:02:35] Speaker A: Make a clean Christmas rap that I can listen to at Walmart. [00:02:40] Speaker B: What type of music do you want to hear at Walmart? [00:02:42] Speaker A: Christmas rap. Christmas country. [00:02:45] Speaker B: Christmas country? [00:02:46] Speaker A: Is is that a thing? [00:02:48] Speaker B: Of course Christmas country is a thing. It's hard for me to say that there's an R somewhere that didn't happen. [00:02:55] Speaker A: Christmas country. [00:02:57] Speaker B: Merry Chrysler. [00:02:59] Speaker A: It's just like my wife left me for Christmas, my dog left me for Christmas. [00:03:08] Speaker B: Grandma got run over by Santa or whatever. [00:03:13] Speaker A: Grandma got a train ran under by Santa. And all the elves at Christmas fucking time the elves stuck their dicks into Grandma because elves are horny little fuckers and mythical. I mean, I'm not great at fucking creating Christmas songs here, but yeah, I feel like right after Halloween, you get November because there's no Thanksgiving songs. Let's put it as simple. There's zero Thanksgiving songs. Not a one name a Thanksgiving song. Oh, I can't because it doesn't exist. [00:03:56] Speaker B: I think that's a good thing. [00:03:58] Speaker A: Imagine how much that would fucking suck. It's like, all right, time to fucking eat food and talk about politics all around the dinner table. [00:04:08] Speaker B: Thank God he missed out on all that. [00:04:11] Speaker A: Gonna talk about Obama, Trump and your mama all around the dinner table. We eat the turkey and the stuffing and now we're full of shit. I don't know the next words because the song doesn't exist. Yeah, there's no such thing as a Thanksgiving song. [00:04:42] Speaker B: But there are there other holidays besides Christmas that have songs? [00:04:47] Speaker A: Yeah, halloween. [00:04:48] Speaker B: Okay. Besides Halloween. Is that it? [00:04:54] Speaker A: 4 July. [00:04:55] Speaker B: Their songs for 4 July. [00:04:56] Speaker A: Born in the USA. Born in the USA. Bruce Springsteen. Do you not know that song? Party in the USA. Miley Cyrus. There's a party in the USA. [00:05:13] Speaker B: That sounds familiar. [00:05:15] Speaker A: Got my hands up to play in my song the butterflies fly away hey, yeah, there's a party in the USA. That one. [00:05:25] Speaker B: So it's a 4 July song? [00:05:26] Speaker A: No, not at all. But it's as close as you can fucking possibly get. I mean, explosions and screaming like that. It's not really a great song, but as long as you have it on good pitch, it's AOK to me, it's like, is this fucking Afghanistan after we bombed it or the USA on 4 July? It's like, same thing. The reason why we explode things is because of like when the Red Coats came over here, they're like the bombs bursting in there. We're just emulating explosions. [00:06:03] Speaker B: I guess that would be a 4 July song. Wasn't it originally a poem and someone just put a song to it? [00:06:09] Speaker A: Every fucking song is a poem. Every single one. [00:06:15] Speaker B: Even tequila? [00:06:17] Speaker A: Yeah. Like some guy was just drunk on tequila. He's like, I'm going to write a poem. Tequila, tequila. There we go. Haiku. I think it's like that's not a haiku. Hey, haiku. I forget what constitute like the what is it the boom boom boom boom tempo? No. How many syllables are in a not syllables? Is that it? [00:07:03] Speaker B: Are you talking about haikus or something different? [00:07:04] Speaker A: Haikus. What makes a haiku? [00:07:07] Speaker B: It has something to do with five. [00:07:09] Speaker A: It's like five, seven, five. But what are those things called? [00:07:13] Speaker B: I don't know. [00:07:14] Speaker A: You're asking the wrong person how many sounds are in a word? Fuck. And I don't know where my phone is immediately. That's the part that's shitty. But yes. There's no fucking songs getting off track. There's no fucking songs for Thanksgiving. So, like, right after Halloween, just start playing Christmas music that way. People think about Christmas that way when they go into a store, you're like, oh, fuck, I need to get presents for my Uncle Billy Ted and my know Jim Bob. [00:07:49] Speaker B: I think there's a Bing Crosby song for Thanksgiving, now that I think about it. [00:07:54] Speaker A: Oh, don't look it up. I don't care. It's like, all I want for Thanksgiving is not turkey because turkey is disgusting. Mom, don't make turkey again this year for Thanksgiving because it's garbage. [00:08:13] Speaker B: Everyone's like, oh, you've never had turkey? This way. It tastes amazing. And I'm like, I've had enough ways to know it tastes like shit. [00:08:20] Speaker A: So many people fucking suck turkey's dick non fucking stop. And it's like it's gross. And for some reason, there's a dick inside every fucking turkey. [00:08:31] Speaker B: It's the trachea. [00:08:33] Speaker A: Why throw that away? [00:08:36] Speaker B: I don't know why the gizzards are there either. [00:08:38] Speaker A: Throw it the fuck away. No one has ever eaten that in the history of ever. [00:08:43] Speaker B: No. A shit ton of people eat organ meat. Eating organ meat's. Weird. For me personally, I can't eat literally. [00:08:48] Speaker A: The last time, like, cooked a turkey, I was with my buddy Chad and we took out that fucking dick shaped thing and fucking waved in each other's faces. I'm like, as our penises. You're gay because you're sucking on the penises. [00:09:02] Speaker B: How old were you? [00:09:05] Speaker A: Old enough to drive over there. [00:09:07] Speaker B: Fair enough. [00:09:08] Speaker A: 18 at least. So a child 18 year olds are. [00:09:13] Speaker B: Child or our children? [00:09:17] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, like, we put it in the fucking oven and what the child? [00:09:21] Speaker B: I wish. [00:09:23] Speaker A: That's why it's called a bun in the oven. It's like, oh, he's Jewish. So, yeah, he'll definitely go in the oven once he's out. Because the Holocaust oh, I thought you. [00:09:38] Speaker B: Were making a gay joke. [00:09:40] Speaker A: No. Making a Holocaust joke. There was a dude on Facebook that got all fucking butthurt. He's like, I'm going to say this right now. You cannot make Jewish jokes. Because right now over there in Israel, they're having bad times. And people just fucking started attacking him. Like, oh, good, another complaining Jew. And he's also not in America either. And this is an American Facebook group. He's in London. And then you go to his timeline and it's just like a bunch of Jewish jokes. And I'm so Jewish. Look at how Jewish I am. My Jewish fucking accent's on point. [00:10:27] Speaker B: It's getting better. [00:10:30] Speaker A: I'm so Jewish, I'm going to complain about everything. Oyve. [00:10:39] Speaker B: Oh, that's Jewish. I thought it was Greek. [00:10:42] Speaker A: I don't know. I'm sure that they say fucking weird things that don't belong to them because they're a bunch of thieves. [00:10:53] Speaker B: I think all languages are thieves. [00:10:56] Speaker A: Yeah, that's the whole point. America, Japanese, everything steals from everything. And honestly just be allowed to say whatever fucking joke you want to make and go for it. But onto the next topic, because you absolutely hate fucking Christmas music. [00:11:20] Speaker B: It's so annoying. [00:11:23] Speaker A: Should you be allowed to it's in bad taste to say, like, if you got a terrible Christmas present to say something about it, but should you be allowed to fucking be like, I don't want to do this. And should it be morally okay to fucking go return a present and get what the fuck you want for it? [00:11:43] Speaker B: That's why gifts come with gift receipts. [00:11:45] Speaker A: A lot of them don't. [00:11:46] Speaker B: Oh, my gifts always come with gift receipts. I'm like, if you don't like it, take it back and get something you want. [00:11:51] Speaker A: You've never given me a gift receipt. [00:11:52] Speaker B: You don't get gift receipts. You will take what I give you and you will like them. [00:11:56] Speaker A: Like, what if I wanted to return it? [00:12:00] Speaker B: You can return it. [00:12:01] Speaker A: No, I like the socks. [00:12:04] Speaker B: The socks are nice, aren't they? [00:12:06] Speaker A: They're comfy until you have to fucking stretch them out. Because I have like thick legs. [00:12:13] Speaker B: They're supposed to they're compression socks. They do that. They're so comfy. But see, you like the gifts I get you, so there's no need for you to return them. But yeah, I've had like one time I at Marsha and Uncle Tim returned a gift. I got them. Courtney's returned a gift. I've had a couple other people return gifts. Like, it doesn't hurt my feelings. It's like, oh, you didn't like it? Okay, cool. Yeah. Go get something you do. Like, I don't want you to hold on something I gave you that you didn't like. And now it's going to be purposeless in your life and collect us on the shelf somewhere. [00:12:38] Speaker A: So is it in bad taste to give cash? [00:12:41] Speaker B: Of course not. Always the best. [00:12:44] Speaker A: Why do people hate cash as a gift? It's impersonal. I know, but it's like the most customizable gift you could ever give somebody. [00:12:53] Speaker B: Cash is amazing. Literally. Your dad gave me cash for my birthday to help me buy new subs last year because he asked me what I wanted. And I'm like, I want cash. And your dad gave me cash. Cash is the best. [00:13:03] Speaker A: You know, like what's going to be kind of fucked up is I feel like for Ben's kids, I'm just going to send them all cash. [00:13:11] Speaker B: Why not? [00:13:12] Speaker A: I'm just going to send them one card and just each leaf of the card. Gift for this, gift for this, gift for this. And it's like boom, boom. Probably for the older kids, I'll send them Visa gift cards and back here you kids go. You get Visa gift cards. That way you can spend it online and don't have to, but it's good to get cash. [00:13:40] Speaker B: Cash is the best. [00:13:42] Speaker A: Have like a little book, like a tiny little brochure, and it's like, boom, boom, boom. This is for this kid, this for this kid. And it's like the same amount. And it'll be hilarious to watch my friend Ben just pull it all out and just is all for nice. [00:13:59] Speaker B: Like, I can see why some people feel like cash is like impersonal. Is that the right word? Yeah. Or it's like, oh, you don't care about me. You didn't pick me out of present. And it's like, no, cash is cash. Especially in today's economy. Cash is cash. There's nothing wrong with being like, I'm not quite sure what to get you, but I want to make sure you get something that you want here's. Cash. [00:14:19] Speaker A: Yeah, because if you get them something they don't want, like, fuck, thank you. [00:14:25] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:14:26] Speaker A: No, every time I've gotten cash, like, fuck, yes. [00:14:29] Speaker B: Yeah, cash is best. [00:14:34] Speaker A: Anytime you're about to go spend money, it's like, okay, I'm going to go spend 59, 99, round it down to 50, hand that 50 over, unless it's something really awesome or you're getting an insane fucking deal on it. Or that's something they really fucking need. Or if it's going to be like over $100, it's like, hey, my nephew is going to college. Here's a fucking tablet laptop thing. It's like, hell yeah. If you get someone like a PlayStation or an Xbox, they love that. That's that's probably what I'm going to end up doing because I told Ben to send me a list and it's gonna be hilarious because I'm just gonna ignore that list. And it's here's, you know, fucking like a hundred and some OD. Like, if I got you something you didn't want, would you be upset? [00:15:48] Speaker B: It depend on what it was. [00:15:51] Speaker A: Would you be upset if I told you it ahead of time, what you're getting for Christmas? [00:15:56] Speaker B: I mean, yeah, I like being surprised. So for me, gift giving is I think it's probably my love language. Like, for me, giving a gift means you've thought about the person you've gotten them something that you think either they will enjoy or something that'll be helpful towards them. I like my gifts to be helpful. Not just like, oh, here's something. It's like, oh, yeah, cool. This is something I want to be. Something like helpful, or something that's like because the picture I got you, it's customized. It's something I spent a lot of time looking on, deciding on, and that I was able to get customized. You can always tell when someone spent a lot of time picking out the gift for you. And I think that's the best part of getting a gift is how much the person who gave you the gift cares about you. And if it's cash, awesome. If it's something they spent time picking out, awesome. If it's something I didn't want and came with the gift receipt, cool. [00:16:48] Speaker A: Yeah. I think I'll get my friend Brad. I'll probably upgrade it to, like a know, but I'm going to get him a customized sweatshirt that is particular to him. [00:17:01] Speaker B: Yeah, you've thought about it. You're putting time into it, and you're making it just for them. That's the best kind of gift, in my opinion. [00:17:11] Speaker A: I go through, I'm like, okay, this person can do this. And some gifts I can make for free. I'm like, oh, yeah. Hell yeah. I'm going to just do this. And here you go. Free fucking gift. And then other ones, it's like, now I have to fucking spend a bunch of money on you. It's obnoxious when someone that you didn't expect to give you a gift and someone you didn't get a gift for gets you a gift. It's like the dickiest thing to do. Nah, nah, no. [00:17:49] Speaker B: Sometimes that work. Like, one coworker will get everyone presents and it's kind of like, oh, cool, thanks. It's like, oh, shit. Now I need to get you a present back. No, gifts aren't about tit for tat. [00:18:00] Speaker A: I mean, sometimes I'll get someone a gift just because I saw it. I'm like, this is you. It's nothing that they can actually fucking really use. Like, I got my friend Bradley, like, hintai underwear. Yeah, and he's such a fucking champion. He just wear them on the outside. He's like, put them on right there. I'm like, yeah. [00:18:25] Speaker B: My you can get you can get decorative stuff. Like, so for last year Courtney, one of her Christmas presents was I got her fuck, I forgot to call it. It was aquarium decoration, but it was a Japanese house. And it has, like, the bridge over, like the spinny thingy. And I got a couple other things, but that one was her favorite because her Japanese interest and she just got an aquarium. And I combined the two and I got her about it's just how much thinking thought you've put into. [00:18:57] Speaker A: Or. Next year we're going to go to California. And I feel like the next vacation after that for 2026, for the two weeker is going to be Japan. My goal is 2026. Take two weeks, go to Japan, have a good ass time. I might go for longer, but I feel like two weeks is like the maximum amount of time that Courtney can be away. [00:19:30] Speaker B: That's the maximum time I can be away from my job. [00:19:34] Speaker A: Yeah. So like, two weeks is fucking perfect. Just kind of, like, plan it out. Know what we're going to do. COVID is going to be dead by then, and so we're going to be able to do whatever the fuck we want to do. [00:19:50] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:19:53] Speaker A: Like, I could tell you what you're going to get for your birthday. [00:19:56] Speaker B: No, I won't be surprised. [00:19:59] Speaker A: I kind of want to tell you because you have to make a decision about your birthday present. [00:20:04] Speaker B: Make a decision for me. You know what I want. [00:20:07] Speaker A: I cannot. This is a personal decision that you and only you could make. [00:20:19] Speaker B: I don't want to be told. Presents are supposed to be surprises. It's no fun when you know what the present okay. [00:20:27] Speaker A: You've already asked me for it. [00:20:30] Speaker B: Okay, so then that should answer your question. [00:20:35] Speaker A: No, something extra on top of it. [00:20:40] Speaker B: Don't tell me. [00:20:43] Speaker A: I hate being fucking in anticipation. I hate that feeling. It's a bad anticipation, bad fucking feeling. [00:20:51] Speaker B: Oh, it's so beautiful. [00:20:53] Speaker A: I'm like, just as an adult, as an adult man, anything that I need, I just buy immediately. I'm like, oh, fuck, I need this boom bought. Like, I want to hang that gun up on that wall. So I'm going to go buy some hooks from Home Depot, screw it in. Boom. Gun's going to be on the wall. It's going to be great. [00:21:18] Speaker B: Yeah, but that's not something I would ever give you because I know that's something you would want to go pick out on your own. I'm not going to get something no. [00:21:25] Speaker A: It'S just going to be red hooks from Home Depot. Just the ones that screw into the wall. [00:21:28] Speaker B: Yeah, but that's not something I'd ever get because I know that's something you should manage. [00:21:33] Speaker A: Yeah, no, I'll be able to manage it just fine. Well, but just like that. [00:21:45] Speaker B: I love anticipation. [00:21:48] Speaker A: It's awful. [00:21:49] Speaker B: There's a difference between anticipation and trepidation. I don't like that. But when it's for good stuff, there's nothing like a good wait for something, you know, it's going to be wonderful. Like, patience brings its own rewards. I love being patient. I love waiting for good things. It's always worth the wait. [00:22:08] Speaker A: It's awful. All right, third one. Is it ethical to cut down Christmas trees to bring into your house than to later just let it rot? And obviously it's ethical to have a fake Christmas tree, whatever, that you're going to use for years and years and years. It's like the best use of fucking plastic you can ever have. [00:22:31] Speaker B: I mean, if you're just going to let it sit out and rot, like, if you're going to cut down a Christmas tree, you should do something with it afterwards. [00:22:37] Speaker A: Like what? [00:22:39] Speaker B: I don't know. Can you break it down and use for firewood, that kind of stuff? [00:22:46] Speaker A: Not really, no. You can use, like, the main stem as some firewood maybe. You have to dry it out, though, and it takes a while. And by the time that winter is over, you don't need that firewood anymore. [00:23:03] Speaker B: Can you use it for. [00:23:08] Speaker A: I mean, like, in all you know, Christmas trees are pretty fucking pointless. Like, Jim Gaffigan has a great bit on Christmas trees. He's like, Honey, why is there a Christmas tree in the living room? Because I like it. We're going to decorate it for Jesus. He says it fucking better. If you want to go see his Christmas tree bit, fucking Google it. It's great. [00:23:40] Speaker B: Oh, so you can have it. Okay. So apparently a lot of cities, they have this thing where you can turn it into the recycling and they'll shut it down and they can use it for mulch or whatever. You can even get it back as your own mulch. So yeah, it's reusable. Reusable is not the word I wanted to use. I mean, you want to start a garden next year anyway. [00:24:02] Speaker A: We have a plastic Christmas tree. [00:24:05] Speaker B: We have a plastic Christmas tree. I do not want the cats chewing on actual pine needles. [00:24:10] Speaker A: I remember growing up, my dad took us out to, like, a Christmas tree farm, and we cut one down, did the whole fucking thing through the little chute that wraps it up and then put it on top of the car or on top of the truck, and then it fell off the fucking top of the truck. And so we had to go out in the fucking highway and go put it back on top of the truck. And then we got this fucking thing inside and it's just dropping pine needles everywhere. [00:24:43] Speaker B: So messy. And then when they start leaking SAP on the floor and you have to water the fucker. [00:24:49] Speaker A: Yeah, no, it was my job to water them, so I had to crawl underneath it while these pine needles are stabbing the shit out. [00:24:56] Speaker B: It's so uncomfortable. [00:24:57] Speaker A: They're like trying to get their vengeance. Like, you killed me and we're going to kill you back. [00:25:02] Speaker B: Well, no, it's repellent against grazers and that kind of stuff, but it does its purpose. [00:25:06] Speaker A: I'm like and I'm like watering it. I'm like, this sucks. [00:25:13] Speaker B: We would actually hike across their land onto the BLM and we would cut trees down there and bring them home. And that was our Christmas tree. [00:25:22] Speaker A: We paid for them because we're not trash. [00:25:25] Speaker B: I know, they were so like, there's a difference between a pine tree and a tree. They're different. [00:25:33] Speaker A: I was so poor at one point. It was either having note tree or like a Charlie Brown tree. [00:25:37] Speaker B: Charlie Brown trees are cute. [00:25:40] Speaker A: I think you forget what the Charlie Brown tree was. It's like a stick. [00:25:45] Speaker B: Yeah, it's cute. It's cute. I'm sorry, did I say it was pretty? No, it's cute. Those two do not have to be synonymous. [00:25:56] Speaker A: It's like having, like, a cat with down syndrome. It's like it's cute. It's not pretty. It's cute, though. Look at how it's struggling. Honestly, I feel like it's just completely unethical. Just stop cutting down fucking trees. It's deforestation at its finest. [00:26:20] Speaker B: Yeah, if you don't plant shit back. [00:26:22] Speaker A: Oh, they do. Because it's also capitalism isn't there that I once saw. [00:26:27] Speaker B: Okay, I saw this on Facebook. So I have no idea if this is verifiable or not, but it's talking about this one place where you rent the Christmas tree. So you get this Christmas tree, but it comes like potted, and then when you're done with it, you give it back to the farm and they'll reuse it until it gets so many feet tall and then it's permanently planted. And I'm like, that makes sense. That's nice. [00:26:47] Speaker A: Literally, I spent like $20 on like, a fucking Christmas tree. [00:26:52] Speaker B: And it's great. [00:26:53] Speaker A: It's as tall as I am. It does its fucking job. You don't need something that's fucking hey, fucking rest of the family. Look at what we got. You don't have to keep up with the Jones. No one cares. [00:27:05] Speaker B: Chai tea likes to chew on it and it's not real pine needles, so I don't have to worry about but. [00:27:14] Speaker A: Like, where do you stand ethically for a fake tree? [00:27:16] Speaker B: It's so much easier if you're going to cut a Christmas tree, I would prefer something done with it afterwards so that its energy is renewed. That's still not what I want to say, but I'm trying to thinking of. [00:27:29] Speaker A: Some word, but I mean, you can burn it. It's just not great for a fireplace. [00:27:34] Speaker B: Yeah, no, but I brought up earlier the place where you can turn it in and they turn it to mulch and you take it back for your garden. I don't like things to be wasted. I don't like things to be wasted. I don't think it's unethical. I don't think ethics is a word that's really needed in this situation. [00:27:49] Speaker A: But, I mean, you're cutting down a tree to fucking have it die in your living room slowly over a know. Ethics plays a pretty good spot in that. It's like having, like, an know, taking it out of the river and bringing it home. It's like Finding Nemo. [00:28:09] Speaker B: I thought they only lived in lakes. [00:28:12] Speaker A: I don't know where the fuck they live. I think they live in the ocean. [00:28:16] Speaker B: They do not live in the ocean. They live in some lake thingy where they're, like, viewed as gods. [00:28:23] Speaker A: Well, then you're dumb if you think an axolotl is God. [00:28:27] Speaker B: No, it's because they can regrow their body parts. [00:28:30] Speaker A: Soak in starfish, soak in octopus. It's not a new fucking thing. [00:28:36] Speaker B: I know, but not every animal can do it. [00:28:38] Speaker A: Pretty much any reptile can, except for turtles. Turtles are ridiculous. They're like the weakest animal and the strongest animal. [00:28:47] Speaker B: What are you talking about? Turtles aren't weak. They've been around for a fuck ton of time. [00:28:51] Speaker A: Tortoises are strong. Turtles, weak as fuck. [00:28:56] Speaker B: Turtles live in the ocean. Okay, I just found out, and I can't believe I needed to be told this, but Augustlodals are salamanders. I needed to be told that reptiles, yeah, embarrassing. I should have known that without having to look it up. But they live in Mexico City. [00:29:15] Speaker A: Yeah. Those Mexicans think Jesus is God. They're all Catholic. Very, very Catholic. So they don't think an axolotl is God. Actually, let me see how much a Charlie Brown Christmas tree would cost. Charlie brown tree. Oh, holy shit. They're wildly cheap. [00:29:43] Speaker B: Yeah. Why would it be expensive? [00:29:46] Speaker A: Walmart has it for $12.98. [00:29:49] Speaker B: Everything's cheap at Walmart. [00:29:52] Speaker A: But to get, like, a fucking fake fucking nine foot cashmere, pine mixed needle fucking holy shit tree, $170. And that's right now during Christmas time, I guarantee you, after fucking, they have to put that shit away. They just have to sell them all. That's what they're told to do. And so it just goes down and down and down in price until it's fucking nothing. [00:30:20] Speaker B: Yeah, that shit's always sad to see. [00:30:22] Speaker A: Till it's, like, $6 for a tree. And then sometimes they'll throw it away. They'll be like, okay, it's not even worth it. [00:30:34] Speaker B: But it's taking up space. [00:30:37] Speaker A: Well, I mean, the back rooms at Walmart are huge, and so they'll put them in the highest levels, but okay, here's another one. If you have a kid, should you tell them that Santa Claus isn't real? [00:31:03] Speaker B: So yes. Okay. So my parents told me Santa Claus was like a fairy tale, kind of like chronicles and narnia. Something it was just like a fairy tale. And they told me some people tell their kids that that's real to make them behave good. And I remember thinking, well, that's fucking weird. And then I met kids who thought Santa Claus was real. And I was like, what the fuck? So yeah, I don't think you should tell your kids Santa's real. It's fucking weird. It's weird. In the first. [00:31:36] Speaker A: Know that used to. [00:31:37] Speaker B: Use Santa Claus as a way to control your kids. That's just something about you as a parent. [00:31:44] Speaker A: Fucking adults use Jesus and God as a way to control other people. [00:31:50] Speaker B: Yeah. No, if you need a deity to control how you react in situations and your behavior, that kind of says a lot about it's. [00:31:58] Speaker A: Like, God wouldn't like it if I fucking killed this guy. So I'm not going know people have literally they have bracelets that say, WWJD what would Jesus do? So they can be reminded, oh, Jesus wouldn't know, chop this dude's head off or fucking rape this woman. I'm not going to do that. Thank you, Jesus. [00:32:21] Speaker B: I mean, I don't have to be told not to do things that are wrong according to my own personal moral code. I know my morals and I stand up to them. And I don't need to be taught more. [00:32:32] Speaker A: Like if there's something I want to do, I'm going to do it. If I want to chop someone's head off really bad, I'm going to fucking chop their head off. [00:32:40] Speaker B: With what? [00:32:41] Speaker A: An axe. [00:32:42] Speaker B: What kind of axe? [00:32:44] Speaker A: A fucking blunt one. So it sucks the entire time. And every time I miss and hit their head, it squishes. [00:32:53] Speaker B: You're that bad with an axe? [00:32:55] Speaker A: I'm pretty fucking bad with an axe. [00:32:58] Speaker B: I imagined you being semidecent. [00:33:02] Speaker A: I mean, they're like running away from me. And I'm like chopping at him with an axe and hitting him in the neck every now and again. Like I'm like, stand still. This will go easier. Police. Police. Please stop this guy. He doesn't have a WWJD bracelet on. No, he's trying to chop my head off of the blunt. Yeah, that's exactly it. That's exactly the whole fucking thing. That's what makes it fun. Now I'm worried, like, some of my audience is going to be like, oh, fuck. Alex is going to go chop people's heads the fuck off. [00:33:40] Speaker B: They can't be surprised at that. They've listened to your podcast for how long? Everyone knows you're mentally unstable. [00:33:45] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, whatever. Don't chase your cat. [00:33:53] Speaker B: I want to touch his dummy. He showed me his. [00:33:59] Speaker A: But yeah, I mean, like take credit for the presents you give your children because they're going to make yeah, fucking Santa's going to bring me a fucking PS five. There ain't no fucking way. And then when you fucking they find out that their whole life view is wrong, it fucks with them. I feel like it's on par with fucking child abuse. [00:34:26] Speaker B: I just think. It's fucking weird. [00:34:31] Speaker A: It puts your child's expectations sky high. I want this because Santa Claus is going to bring it to me, and it's not Mommy and Daddy's money. And now, you know, in order to keep up with this lie, they're fuck, okay, we have to bring this kid this shit. And especially in the age of the Internet, fucking obviously Santa Claus ain't real. You're going to find out real fucking quick. And I always feel bad for kids that still believe that shit way too old. [00:35:07] Speaker B: I mean, it's kind of fun, I think, to be able to hold on to that innocence for as long as possible. But I don't think parents should tell their kids santa Claus is real from the get go. [00:35:16] Speaker A: If you want to fucking believe Santa Claus is real as an adult, fucking go take acid, you'll believe wild shit. [00:35:24] Speaker B: Don't you have litter on your. [00:35:29] Speaker A: Like, do drugs? And you'll believe a lot of crazy shit. You'll believe, like, you're dancing and trying to catch fairies. Go to a strip club. You'll be like, this chick is into me. You can lie to yourself all the time as an adult. It's awesome. But guess what? You grow up and shit goes awry. Do you have any argument topics on Christmas? [00:36:12] Speaker B: Of course not. Christmas is bogus. [00:36:15] Speaker A: What is the best Christmas meal for Christmas dinner? [00:36:23] Speaker B: Chocolate. [00:36:24] Speaker A: Chocolate. All right. Augustus Gloop. Like, what the fuck? He's the fat kid from Willy Wonka and the chocolate factory that fucking falls into the chocolate river and gets sucked up the tube. [00:36:38] Speaker B: I like Christmas dinner that I don't have to make but still tastes good. [00:36:42] Speaker A: I like Chinese food for Christmas. [00:36:43] Speaker B: Chinese food is good for Christmas. [00:36:46] Speaker A: The perfect Christmas dinner. [00:36:47] Speaker B: Chinese for Christmas. [00:36:48] Speaker A: Yeah, of course. [00:36:49] Speaker B: Oh, my God. Yeah, let's do that. [00:36:52] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:36:52] Speaker B: I want some sesame beef and some chowmaine. No, I don't want chowmaine. I want Lomaine. [00:36:58] Speaker A: I love it because they're not from America, and so they don't celebrate Christmas. It's like, I don't give a. [00:37:07] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:37:08] Speaker A: We'Ll have Chinese food for Christmas time. [00:37:10] Speaker B: Fuck yeah. [00:37:13] Speaker A: Where are you going? [00:37:14] Speaker B: What do you mean, where am I going? I had to shift my legs. [00:37:17] Speaker A: You look like you're about to run off. [00:37:19] Speaker B: No, I had to shift my legs. My butt's sticking to the leather. [00:37:24] Speaker A: It's pleather. [00:37:26] Speaker B: Sticking to the pleather. [00:37:27] Speaker A: I still remember getting that fucking thing. I got that at a Black Friday. My wife's sitting on, like, an Otoman, and I got it during a Black Friday sale. [00:37:37] Speaker B: I thought it was a chest. [00:37:39] Speaker A: It's a chest Otoman type thing. [00:37:41] Speaker B: Does it have legs? [00:37:42] Speaker A: You can put it legs on it. [00:37:44] Speaker B: I thought Otomans had to have legs to be considered Otomans. [00:37:48] Speaker A: I don't fucking know. I bought it for $20, though. And I remember I was in North Dakota, and it was yes, Otomans need legs. It technically has, like, little stubby legs. So yes, it is technically an ottoman. [00:38:06] Speaker B: I know. It's not dinner time yet. [00:38:07] Speaker A: That's my wife's cat retarded one. [00:38:11] Speaker B: They're both retarded. [00:38:14] Speaker A: Every single one of your cats is retarded. [00:38:16] Speaker B: I mean, together they make one whole brain cell. [00:38:20] Speaker A: So, yeah, this year for Christmas chinese. Unless like, Chinese places fucking decide to start celebrating Christmas for some stupid ass reason. [00:38:29] Speaker B: Lots of pot stickers. [00:38:31] Speaker A: I wonder if we can just make our own Chinese food making. I can get a walk. I can get you a walk or I can get me a Walk. [00:38:44] Speaker B: I hate doing tempura and I've tried making dumplings and they fuck are we. [00:38:48] Speaker A: Doing tempura and dumplings for? No, we're going to fucking do like, boiling fucking pot stickers that we put in a fucking pot. And then we just put like, a little bit of water or whatever the fuck in there and they just steam the fuck up. Steamed pot stickers are the best. [00:39:03] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. No, fried pot stickers are the fuck. [00:39:06] Speaker A: Are you on about? Steamed are the best. [00:39:09] Speaker B: They're called pot stickers because when you fry them, they stick to the pot. [00:39:12] Speaker A: That's not what you want. [00:39:14] Speaker B: Yes, I want it brown and crispy on the outside and still gooey on the inside. [00:39:18] Speaker A: Then I'll fucking throw it into a fucking fire for you. [00:39:22] Speaker B: I don't want to make Chinese food. It's pain in the ass. [00:39:26] Speaker A: I'll make me Chinese food and then I'll get you just pot stickers from a Chinese restaurant. [00:39:31] Speaker B: Sounds good to me. [00:39:32] Speaker A: How's that sound? [00:39:34] Speaker B: For the longest time, me and my mom used to make her own sweet and sour sauce. And she made it with ketchup, carol syrup, vinegar, and salt. And it was disgusting. Yeah, the fucking but it was disgusting. [00:39:47] Speaker A: The fucking ketchup alone fucked it up. [00:39:50] Speaker B: I love ketchup. Although I'm spoiled. I only eat the simply. I don't like any of the other ones. They don't taste as good as the simply does. [00:39:59] Speaker A: Okay, there we go. There is a fucking affordable fucking walk. Like, the fucking first one that pops up is Gordon Ramsay's. Hex clad walk. I'm like, fuck you and your stupid how much is. [00:40:16] Speaker B: It? [00:40:16] Speaker A: Fuck you and your stupid hex clad bullshit. [00:40:23] Speaker B: Fucking how much is it? [00:40:24] Speaker A: $200. [00:40:26] Speaker B: Oh, that's what I was going to guess. That's going to be like 200, 250? [00:40:32] Speaker A: Yeah. Here's one that has like a lid on it. Has all the fucking things, everything. Look at this. Look at this walk. All the things for fucking $33. [00:40:44] Speaker B: Yeah, that looks pretty bougie. [00:40:46] Speaker A: Oh, and a $3 coupon off on it too. So $30. It comes with, like a brush, a fucking ladle, a thing to put over your burner, a bunch of fucking instruments, and a wooden lid. That's where it's at. Not fucking $200 for just the fucking walk. [00:41:11] Speaker B: That's if you know what you're doing and you're not going to ruin it. [00:41:15] Speaker A: Of course I'm going to ruin I'm just going to put it with oil and, like, high heat. [00:41:19] Speaker B: Why are you getting a cheap one. [00:41:21] Speaker A: Whatever. We'll probably just order all the fucking yeah. [00:41:27] Speaker B: I'm not making tempura. [00:41:29] Speaker A: I never asked. Tempura is not Chinese. [00:41:32] Speaker B: Sesame chicken is tempura. [00:41:35] Speaker A: I don't think you understand what tempura is. [00:41:38] Speaker B: Okay, what do you think? [00:41:38] Speaker A: Tempura is a Japanese tempura, which is fucking breaded shit. Fucking dipped in oil. [00:41:48] Speaker B: Close enough. Yes. [00:41:49] Speaker A: Tempura. It is Japanese. [00:41:53] Speaker B: It's still the same thing. [00:41:54] Speaker A: How? Tempora is Japanese? [00:41:57] Speaker B: Yes. [00:41:57] Speaker A: Not Chinese. You cannot get anything tempura at a Chinese restaurant. They will slap you and tell you to leave. [00:42:04] Speaker B: What's it called? Because that's what the sesame chicken is. It's fried and then they put sauce on it. [00:42:09] Speaker A: Breaded chicken. [00:42:11] Speaker B: It is not breaded. It's flour and water. [00:42:16] Speaker A: Breaded. [00:42:17] Speaker B: Breaded in prize coming. Ah. [00:42:27] Speaker A: Watch this. Breaded. Chinese chicken. Oh. What the fuck is that? Oh, my God. Is that the fucking thing that I just said? Breaded? Yeah. [00:42:40] Speaker B: Show me it. [00:42:41] Speaker A: Go ahead. [00:42:42] Speaker B: I can't see from that far away. [00:42:43] Speaker A: I know. Go ahead and live in denial now. Yeah, go ahead and live in denial. It is not tempora. I can guarantee you that. I don't know much in this world. I do know that it's not letting. [00:43:05] Speaker B: Me jump to recipe. [00:43:07] Speaker A: Jump to recipe was at the top. [00:43:09] Speaker B: It hit that twice and it wouldn't let me go. [00:43:12] Speaker A: Because you have to probably let the entire web page load before you fucking jump to the recipe. [00:43:18] Speaker B: Why is your phone so weird? What the fuck? Why are there so many ads on here? [00:43:23] Speaker A: Because I don't have ad blocker on my phone. Are you just trying to get down to find out that flour and fucking water is actually just bread? Go ahead and look up a fucking recipe on how to make bread. [00:43:44] Speaker B: Okay, well, now I just need to know the definition of breaded because I thought that implied. There was crumb. [00:43:49] Speaker A: No, this means there's a bread outing on it. So yes, I win. [00:44:02] Speaker B: Okay, no, so breaded means food crumbs. It says so on the definition. Breaded means crumb. And also that is also implied with yeast. Tempura is not made with yeast. [00:44:16] Speaker A: Then a fucking peanut butter and jelly. Breaded is just the head breaded. Peanut butter and jelly? Just a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. [00:44:32] Speaker B: I've seen PB and J's deep fried. Everyone says they're a bomb. I don't know about that. I'm iffy about the peanut butter. [00:44:38] Speaker A: If you fucking take a uncrustable and deep fry that, I'm sure that's okay. Just making one yourself. Fuck off. Uncrustables are the best. I love uncrustables. Always will. Call me a child if you want. I don't care. Chinese tempura, it does not exist. [00:45:01] Speaker B: It does. And this is literally cited on the Kikoman's website. Okay? [00:45:08] Speaker A: Kikoman is Japanese. [00:45:10] Speaker B: Yeah. And they're talking about Chinese tempura. So suck it. [00:45:21] Speaker A: Is tempura Chinese? It's like Tokyo Joe's is the first thing that pops up. [00:45:29] Speaker B: Tokyo Joe's is not Japanese. I'm sorry, Tokyo Joe's, but you're not. [00:45:34] Speaker A: Is Tempura Chinese or Japanese? Japanese. Tempura is one of the most common Japanese dishes served outside of Japan. Along with sushi, it's synonymous with Japanese foods in the mind of many. [00:45:49] Speaker B: I thought sushi was just an American thing. [00:45:52] Speaker A: No, it's very Japanese. [00:45:54] Speaker B: Oh, I thought it was like fucking. [00:45:55] Speaker A: Like fortune cookies are a California thing, not a thing. [00:46:02] Speaker B: Huh. For some reason I thought sushi was just more of like an American thing. [00:46:05] Speaker A: Nope. It's wildly Japanese. [00:46:07] Speaker B: Well, that's good then. That makes me feel better. [00:46:11] Speaker A: Yeah. Just escaped Japan and we're like, oh, we like this rice with fucking vegetables and seaweed and fish. [00:46:21] Speaker B: Sushi's good. Sushi is literally my favorite food after ice cream. [00:46:28] Speaker A: Whatever. Yeah, we'll go ahead and end it there. Thank you all so much for being here. This is probably going to turn into like bimonthly or monthly fucking podcast. Going to probably tone it. Know? Tron's still in college. He might do a surprise episode here during um, we'll see what know. But I'll try and do another episode here in two weeks about some other bullshit I think of last minute because I've never thought of like I always sit down every single episode I've ever fucking done on this. None of them have ever been like, I'm going to have some forethought and think about what I say. I sit down and I fucking I'm like, click record. And I'm like, this is what we're going to talk about. Tron doesn't even know what we're going to talk about. When we did all those episodes, he had no idea. [00:47:29] Speaker B: I know, but Tron knows how to hold the debate. I do not. [00:47:32] Speaker A: Sometimes we have like, really fun debates. [00:47:35] Speaker B: I know. [00:47:36] Speaker A: It's like, is there anything wrong with saying the N word? [00:47:38] Speaker B: It's like I'm not good at debating. I'm so used to being the teacher, it's hard for me not to speak in any other way. [00:47:45] Speaker A: I know. Because Tron will choose one way and I'll choose the exact opposite. And it's like super fun, even if it makes me the bad guy. It's like abortions. Are they okay? He's like, no, you shouldn't abort children. I'm like, abort them all. Turn them into researches and get the stem cells from them. But follow me on Instagram and Twitter. Alex a truck. As an apology, I will be putting up one of my standup clips over there on Instagram. Alex the truck. So thank you all and we will see you all probably in two weeks. So bye.